Are adults allowed time-outs?
I didn’t think so either. We have created a society that believes success is working non-stop so you can build a nest egg in hopes of one day being able to take that trip, buying that special something you have been wanting for years, enjoying a sunset or simply spending quality time with your friends and family.
That day comes, you find out you have cancer and two weeks later you are no longer here. You think of all the time you spent running yourself ragged; not living, but simply surviving.
We hear those stories and think that will never be us. I witnessed this tragedy first hand. My step-dad, Tony, worked his ass off his entire life. Within two years of retirement, his life was taken by cancer. As his daughter, I would put off visits, thinking, I can’t take time off work, it’s too expensive or I will schedule it next month. By good fortune, a few months before he passed, I planned a trip. He and I planned a surprise Mother’s Day for my mom in Suncadia. I got that one last weekend with him.
The day my mom called to tell me he was diagnosed and in the hospital, I left my daughter’s school camping trip and headed straight to the airport. I spent three nights with him. I left that night thinking, I could come home, get work and kids under control and then get back to him. Always trying to buy time, right? Unfortunately, I didn’t buy enough time. Tony passed within seconds of arriving back in Idaho.
I never processed when Tony passed. I tucked it away because it HURT, so bad. I felt horrific guilt for not spending that entire last week with him. I felt anger because my responsibilities were so great I could not be gone (now I question, were they? Did I ask for what I needed?). I regret not pulling my kids from school, so they could say goodbye to a man that had such a huge impact in our lives. I felt the pain for my mom who FINALLY could spend time and live life with a man who loved her so dearly.
What I am understanding now is, there is no guarantee. We set goals but do we really know our values? Do we really know and put forth what is MOST important? I cannot tell you what yours should or should not be. Only YOU can do that.
I can tell you a couple of my values are CONNECTION and MAKING A DIFFERENCE.
For those two things to happen I have to change my life as it is today.
I have hit the unforgiving wall. I am maxed out and aging rapidly because of stress.
My entire life I was taught that success was working double the amount of hours and making money. After battling 20+ years of health issues, I can tell you this: No amount of money or job title has brought me true happiness. It has brought me a lifestyle, a lifestyle that brought on a different kind of stress.
My compassion stems from being on both sides of the equation. Literally, living paycheck to paycheck, Stressing about whether we would have enough money to make payroll and pay our own bills. Not being able to buy things or take vacations. That pressure and stress was unbearable, but it pushed me. When I talk about financial my point is to always stay true to your values as well as your goals.
Now, I am purging my life of all the crap I do not need. I am making room for what is important.
Finally, SELF AWARE.
That really has been the most life changing part of this journey.
So, what is my point to all this?
I have hit a REAL fatigue. Partly due to my auto immune disease, but also due to the huge amount of stress I have carried for 43 years.
I have always been the caretaker of the family, the mediator, the healer, the protector, the one who runs around picking up all the pieces. I’ve always worried about my parents, my brothers, my kids, my friends, family, the dog next door, the bird that flew into the window this AM. In the midst of all of it, I forgot to worry about ME.
In the last two and half years, a shift occurred as I made the mind body connection. I became self aware of these issues. Aware that I am an empath, I feel things very deeply. I see things from this wide angle lense. I internalize so much of what is happening around me. This means I need to guard my energy as well as replenish it. I am aware that I cannot control any of my worries. I can only control the reaction I have to them. I finally saw how my physical body was taking a beating from the inability to process stress in a healthy manner.
I CANNOT CONNECT OR MAKE A DIFFERENCE IF I AM RUNNING ON EMPTY.
Yesterday a friend showed concern because of how exhausted I looked. They sensed where I was at mentally and physically. The moment they reached out in concern I broke down in tears. I literally screamed, I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE!
I cannot be Superwoman. I don’t want to be Superwoman. I am fucking EXHAUSTED. I WANT TO BE SAVED.
This is a SIGN that I am on empty. Even the reserve tank is empty.
I have never been one to ask for help and NEVER used the words “save me”. It has been imprinted on my DNA to NOT need saving. I am supposed to save myself and not show weakness. I do respect the fact that my Dad always taught me, to never put yourself in a situation where you are dependent upon a man; so I was able to leave toxic relationships without complete financial devastation but it didn’t teach me it is okay to be vulnerable.
Lately, I have been carrying one hell of a load. I have not allowed myself to take it all in. Within three years, I went through losing my step-dad, Tony (a man who meant the world to me), battled a brutal and painful divorce, healed from two surgeries and non stop health issues resulting from my auto immune disease which is triggered by stress daily, dealt with my two daughters processing their own transitions and pain, navigating the struggles of teenage years, kids’ numerous appts., dealing with issues related to their father. I have been a single mom with no family locally. I closed my coffee stand, maintaining a home, working full-time for my father’s company, creating Happy Healthy Life (my passion and purpose), plus a LONG list of other things. That is no boo hoo that is a reality I created.
Simply processing a divorce is A LOT. People say to me “I don’t know how you do it!” I always blow it off like, you just do, but reality is – IT IS A SHIT TON.
The HARSH reality is – I CREATED IT.
The good part of that story is – I can RE CREATE and CHANGE IT.
I need help. I need to ask a favor of my friends and family.
Having to admit weakness and needing to wave the white flag literally makes me want to vomit. This is INSANE, BECAUSE AS A HEALTH COACH, I LECTURE MY CLIENTS TO ASK FOR WHAT THEY NEED. It is always easier for me to show love and compassion for others, but not to myself.
I need time, compassion and support. I need to take a month or two to simple get my life under control. Get my job better organized, connect more deeply with my daughters before Chelsey starts High School and Ashley decides her path into adulthood. Time to decide the precise direction to take with Happy Healthy Life. HHL is what lights up my world. I know it is what my purpose is on this earth so I will be making more room for it. I need to get my health stable and process finally all the things I have stuffed away. I need to create a schedule that is balanced and supportive to my health, allows time with loved ones and ability to RECHARGE my batteries so I can keep on CONNECTING AND MAKING A DIFFERENCE. Get my home organized and create space for LIFE.
I need from my friends and family during this time two things: understanding and love.
PLEASE KNOW THIS:
**If I don’t answer a text, email or voicemail or it is a short reply it is NOT because I do not care. (I promise to get back to you when I can) every day I will need to prioritize
better what is on my plate.
**If you keep asking me to do things with you and I decline, it is NOT because I do not want to but simply I have to better balance life. Please do not quit asking or take it
personal. I love you for not giving up!
**If you need me or simply feel upset with me, PLEASE voice that. I cannot do passive aggressive, I need the black and white.
**If you have questions on health and wellness or content you would like to see PLEASE send me a message. I LOVE getting them and focused on providing more content. I have a part
time assistant who will be helping as well. If you need more in depth health help please schedule a health coaching appointment. In August I will be positing a link to schedule
**I am working on limiting what I speak about with my friends/family. Certain things should remain in counseling.
**Hugs I am either at the office or at home. My door is always open to those I love.
I believe all of this is happening because brighter days are ahead.
Space is being made, balance is being found and healing is finally taking place.
My hope in sharing this is that it allows others the freedom to say I am struggling and ask for what they need and to create space for compassion.
I have become aware in the last few months that we all hurt in some way. No one has a perfect life no matter what their Facebook highlight reel says. We all cope with that pain differently. Some drink, drugs, self harm, anger, shopping, food, sex, hoarding, etc.
NONE of these coping mechanisms are better than the other. All are ways in which we attempt to self soothe. The key is to find what your triggers are then replace the toxic coping mechanisms with healthy ones. That is HARD work, but if you are dedicated it is possible.
We create and choose our destiny.
What are you creating?
How Hugging Makes You Healthier
Get the full hug low down: CLICK HERE
Hugging increases levels of the “love hormone” Oxycontin. This, in turn, may have beneficial effects on your heart health and more. One study found, for instance, that women had lower blood pressure following a brief episode of warm contact with their partner.
A 20-second hug, along with 10 minutes of hand-holding, also reduces the harmful physical effects of stress, including its impact on your blood pressure and heart rate.
This makes sense, since hugging is known to lower levels of stress hormones like cortisol. But research suggests there’s even more to it than that.
As reported by Mail Online:
“The skin contains a network of tiny, egg-shaped pressure centers called Pacinian corpuscles that can sense touch and which are in contact with the brain through the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve winds its way through the body and is connected to a number of organs, including the heart.
It is also connected to Oxycontin receptors. One theory is that stimulation of the vagus triggers an increase in Oxycontin, which in turn leads to the cascade of health benefits.”
A 10-second hug a day can lead to biochemical and physiological reactions in your body that can significantly improve your health.
According to one study, this includes:
- Lower risk of heart disease
- Stress reduction
- Fight fatigue
- Boost your immune system
- Fight infections
- Ease depression